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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011326">Won't Keep Me Down- Pidge &amp; Dragging Themselves Across the Ground</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sinnamon_roll_writes/pseuds/the_sinnamon_roll_writes'>the_sinnamon_roll_writes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Broken Bones, Choking, Hurt Pidge | Katie Holt, Pidge | Katie Holt Whump, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), and not the fun kind, but damn it he's doing his best, emotional support Shiro, fairly cannon typical violence, he's new at it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:23:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sinnamon_roll_writes/pseuds/the_sinnamon_roll_writes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of a rewrite of season 1, episode 4, The Fall of the Castle of Lions, if Pidge's and Haxus' fight went a little bit differently, and some of the emotional fallout. Because let's be honest, most of what happened in that episode would've been pretty freakin' scarring, and I love going in and making things even worse for them.<br/>This was a request (that took so much longer to do than I meant)!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1212720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Won't Keep Me Down- Pidge &amp; Dragging Themselves Across the Ground</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And I rise, after nearly a year of silence, from the depths of depression to finish off this series! Work 25, here we are!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day had started so well. They were celebrating their first win as a team, and the fact that they had successfully formed Voltron at all. There had been drinks and snacks- the Arusians had even put on some odd little play as entertainment. If she had allowed herself to pretend the little aliens (could she even call them that if <em>she</em> was the one on <em>their</em> planet?) looked a bit more humanoid, she could’ve tricked herself into believing she was just at a party on Earth with her family. </p><p>Now she was scrambling through the castle, praying she could remain just far enough ahead of any Galrans or sentries that Sendak sent after her, all while struggling to figure out a way to keep the whole damn place from taking off. Her back already ached from where she’d been struck with one of the sentry’s blasters, but thankfully her armor had been enough to keep it from stopping her altogether. </p><p>She had a feeling that the blasters would be nothing compared to what the Galra could cook up if she didn’t fix this situation quickly. </p><p>Probably should’ve known it would go tits up sooner or later; things hadn’t exactly been going well for them since making it to space. They’d really only made it thus far through sheer dumb luck. Shiro was the only one of them with real combat experience- the rest of them were just kids thrown in to an ugly situation and told to fight against seasoned warriors. Really, how are they supposed to expect anything <em>but</em> catastrophe? (Okay, maybe she was being a little cynical there, but she really wasn’t in a great headspace. She’d been <em>shot.)</em></p><p>As she rushed through the castle at Allura’s instruction, Pidge had suspected they were running a risk by communicating over radio where anyone could tap in and listen. And her suspicions proved true when she heard heavy footsteps approaching from behind her as she worked. There was no way it was Lance, and she couldn’t imagine Shiro would leave an injured teammate behind. And the particle barrier was still up, meaning the rest of her team was still locked out of the castle. </p><p>That left only one logical conclusion for the person behind her to be, and it wasn’t someone who was likely to help her. Sure enough, when she spun around, she was met with a decidedly unfriendly pair of yellow eyes set in a fuzzy purple face. As soon as she laid eyes on him, a voice came through his radio. <em>“Haxus! Have you apprehended the rogue Paladin?”</em></p><p>“Not... wait, <em>you’re</em> the one causing all this trouble? A child?” His eyes widened, clearly caught off guard enough by Pidge that he forgot he was supposed to be replying to his superior. </p><p>“I’m not a child,” Pidge snarled back. She didn’t particularly want to engage with him, but she <em>really</em> didn’t want him communicating with whoever was on the other end of the radio. “I’m a Paladin of Voltron.”</p><p>The Galran- Haxus- chuckled as he straightened up. “Let me tell you something, <em>child.</em> I’m a soldier of the Galra Empire. Nothing stops me but triumph or death.”</p><p>“Then prepare to die,” she replied grimly. She was pleasantly surprised with how confident she sounded. It was almost like she believed it. It even seemed to throw Haxus off, judging by the way he hesitated his advancement on her. </p><p>(She was also more than a little thrilled that she’d just had a real-life chance to quote one of her favorite movies- now she just needed to make sure she could actually live up to Inigo.)</p><p>The only problem was that she had only basic training in self-defense, and even less with a weapon like her bayard. And somehow, the enemy in front of her seemed to know that. Granted, it probably wasn’t an impossible conclusion to draw; by any standard, she looked young, and not many species boasted fully trained fighters by puberty. As long as she kept her distance and moved fast, she could take shots with her bayard and hopefully wear him down. </p><p>Then without warning, the Galran was lunging forward at her, swinging his weapon around in a clear arc towards her right arm. Pidge easily dodged the swipe, ducking under his arm and dancing backwards to put some space between them. As she did, she thrust her bayard up (in an admittedly blind attempt) to stab at Haxus’ arm. She just barely managed to graze it and nick the skin, but it was satisfying knowing that she was the first one to draw blood. And his surprise gave her the chance to get a treasured few feet away from him. </p><p>The scratch really didn’t have much effect on Haxus beyond the startled pause though. And maybe some mild irritation, judging by his expression. It wasn’t nearly enough to stop him. </p><p>Pidge studied him closely, watching his body language for his next move. She would be in trouble if she couldn’t anticipate what he was going to do next. More trouble than she was already in, at least. When several seconds went by without the Galran moving, Pidge almost had to laugh. He was doing the same thing as her. It was a regular Mexican standoff. </p><p>In her brief moment of amused distraction, Haxus once again shot at her, wielding his blade and launching a vicious attack on her. He was unrelenting in his attacks, and it was all Pidge could do to duck and roll and get out of the way of his deadly weapon. She had no doubt that a well-placed blow with that sword plus Galran strength could render her armor useless. Timing it carefully, Pidge waited for him to pull his sword up again  before she whipped out her shield and placed it between herself and the incoming blow. </p><p>The resulting impact only proved her point that her armor wouldn’t have withstood it. She was sent tumbling to one side and the arm holding her shield almost immediately went numb. One glance at the shield itself revealed a large crack running across the middle, presumably where it had been hit. </p><p>It looked like Haxus was reeling slightly as well. His sword had switched hands, and he was shaking out the empty hand like it had fallen asleep. </p><p>He was distracted. Now was a chance. </p><p>In a bid to even out the playing field- or just to prove she was still <em>on</em> the playing field- Pidge made her first true offense move and shot her bayard at him. Ideally, either the sharp edge would get another slice in, or she’d get the chance to shoot him chock full of electricity. </p><p>She wasn’t counting on him catching it. And she <em>certainly</em> wasn’t counting on him to use the connecting wire to hurl her back across the room and into the control panel she’d been messing with before she could do anything about it. </p><p>Pidge’s head smashed into metal and she was left seeing stars at the sudden impact. Distantly, she heard footsteps approaching her from behind. As the initial shock faded, Pidge remembered she was fighting and deduced that she most certainly did not want the footsteps to be near her. As quickly as she could without losing her balance, she forced herself to stand. </p><p>But before she could turn around, she felt was something sharp piercing through the thinner armor on the back of her knee and slice deep into the muscle there, sending her tumbling back to the ground with a muffled groan. All too quickly, she felt warm blood soaking down her calf towards the floor. She managed to push herself to her feet and turn around, but her injured leg trembled with the strain of simply keeping her upright. Running around and fighting was out of the question. And Haxus knew it. </p><p>“Nowhere left to run. Nowhere left to hide,” he mocked. “I’m not in any hurry, child. The castle defenses are up- no one is getting in, and the only two Paladins on board are already subdued and restrained. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t take my time and make you pay for the trouble you’ve put us through.”</p><p><em>“I’m</em> a Paladin. And you’re not going to subdue or restrain <em>me,”</em> Pidge snarled, despite the nervous sweat building up on her forehead. She couldn’t deny that things weren’t looking great. Were they really going to be stopped after only one victory? She knew the odds had been stacked against them, given the sheer size of the Galran empire, but this was just sad. The defenders of the universe couldn’t even defend their own home turf. </p><p>Pidge’s mind raced as she tried to calculate her advantages. She didn’t have half the training her opponent had. She was much smaller and much less strong. She wasn’t even sure if she could stand up. </p><p>Right. So plenty of <em>dis</em>advantages. But for the life of her, she couldn’t think of one advantage. Pidge groaned inwardly at the realization, but quickly shook it off. She was <em>smart.</em> Smart enough to at least give this guy a run for his money. As her mind raced, Pidge decided that she had three options: fight, surrender, or flee. </p><p>Fighting was turning out to be rather futile. </p><p>There was no reason to think he would even accept a surrender at this point. </p><p>Therefore, she was left with only one logical choice. Fleeing made the most sense- the Galran looked too big to be able to navigate the vents, and she could really use a moment to regroup and form a new plan of action. If she could get her grappling hook out and aim it properly, then she could get away. Now it just came down to timing. She had to make sure he wouldn’t be able to catch her- he’d already proven to be quicker than she might’ve guessed, and she had a feeling that this guy wouldn’t be easily distracted. Of course, she’d also need to scout out an exit- preferably one he couldn’t fit through. </p><p>With that in mind, Pidge made the very grave mistake of glancing around the giant room they were both in. </p><p>The minute her eyes were off of him, the Galran made a move. Like a snake striking, he shot forward and his fist flew into her temple, hard enough to send her to the ground again and make her ears start ringing loudly. Before she could even begin to react, she felt a firm pressure on her calf that soon turned into a painful weight that threatened to break bone if it didn’t let up. Pidge nearly sighed with relief when it was lifted. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long before Haxus was bringing his foot down over again, this time as hard as he could. There were two loud <em>cracks,</em> one right after the other, as her armor gave way and her bone snapped. She couldn’t hold in her scream. </p><p>Fuck. There was no way she could stand on her leg now- no way she could escape. </p><p>Above her, Haxus was grinning. “Can’t run away now, can you? What shall I do with a pesky little-” he was interrupted by a gruff voice, sounding like it was coming from over the castle intercom. </p><p>
  <em>“Haxus! What are you doing? Report to the bridge immediately!”</em>
</p><p>The Galran sighed, looking mildly inconvenienced. “Well, Paladin. It would appear I don’t have as much time as I had hoped. I suppose I’ll have to take you with me. Perhaps we can have a little fun later.” Without preamble, Haxus’ hand suddenly wrapped tightly around her throat and squeezed hard, digging nails into the tender skin there. She felt herself being lifted into the air, and instinctively grabbed at the wrist of the hand holding her, trying to keep her full weight from being supported just by her neck. Her arms flexed, desperately trying to lessen the strain, but she wouldn’t be able to keep it up for very long. Eventually her muscles would give out- sooner rather than later, with the way she was being choked. </p><p>She kicked out feebly and tried digging her own nails into Haxus’s forearm to no avail. Not that she really expected it to do anything- what sort of military man would he be if he couldn’t handle a little pinching?</p><p>Pidge needed to figure this out. By her estimate, she had around thirteen-and-a-half seconds before she started running dangerously low on oxygen and lost consciousness. And if that happened, then she was well and truly fucked. </p><p>More so than she already was. </p><p>She needed to do something <em>now.</em> Steeling herself for the inevitable increase in pressure on her neck, Pidge forced herself to release her grip on Haxus’s forearms and go temporarily limp in his grasp. Then, as soon as she could feel his guard lowering, her hand flew back over her thigh and she felt the comforting weight of her bayard once again rematerialized. Fighting past the black spots in her vision, she slashed the blade up blindly in the general direction of the Galran. She must’ve hit something, because she heard a shout and then she was falling to the ground, another cry escaping when her bad leg hit the ground and buckled. When she looked up, she saw Haxus stumbling back and clutching at his chest. Dark blood was dripping from a mean looking gash- not enough to kill, but certainly enough to throw him off his rhythm. </p><p>And give her the chance she needed to get the upper hand. </p><p>Without missing a beat or giving herself a chance to catch her breath, Pidge swung her good leg around and kicked hard at Haxus’ shins, succeeding in knocking him back a few more steps. Her heart raced when she realized he was only two steps away from tumbling off the ledge that they were on. If he went down...</p><p>Her bayard flew at him, and she only took a brief second to marvel at the way it wrapped around him- it defied physics, really. It shouldn’t have have done more than brush up against him to give her a window of opportunity to send a powerful electric current into his legs or something. However, almost like it understood what she’d really been wishing for, the wire looped up his body like a snake, binding his arms at his sides. Given the chance, he probably could’ve broken free of the rope that bound him, so Pidge decided immediately to <em>prevent him</em> from getting that chance. As soon as the tip of her bayard was no longer swinging around him, Pidge sent a violent jolt through her bayard and into Haxus’s body. </p><p>It worked. The Galran had seized up and almost immediately tipped backwards. And he kept going backwards until one foot fell off the steep edge on the catwalk they were on. </p><p>Pidge nearly crowed when she saw that- the only thing keeping her from outright celebrating was the fact that, as he was starting to fall, his swinging hands managed to latch onto something to keep him safe. </p><p>Rover. </p><p>As dumb as it was, Pidge loved that robot. She’d only had him <em>maybe</em> twenty four hours, but the way her heart broke when the little guy beeped twice before powering down made it seem like she’d been with him her entire life. “Rover- <em>no!”</em></p><p>But her hoarse protest came too late. Her repurposed robot had already shut down, and in seconds, both Rover and the Galran were out of sight. </p><p>She blinked several times. It took a moment for the events to really catch up with her. She had <em>killed</em> him. Pidge was surprised at how disconnected she felt at that- surely a fourteen-year-old should feel something after murdering someone, even if it was in self-defense. But as she stared at the place the Galran had just been standing, all she could feel was a dull distress at having lost Rover. </p><p>After a stunned moment, Pidge allowed herself to collapse on her back for a ten-second breather before forcing her to sit up once again. Her muscles ached and she could still feel Haxus’ grip crushing her neck and making it hard to breathe. If she had to guess, she’d say she had a nasty case of laryngitis. Talking would likely be incredibly difficult for a while. </p><p>And that was all to say nothing about the pain shooting up her body from her leg. </p><p>But she couldn’t afford to let any of that stop her. She whined as she tried to suck in a deep breath before forcing herself back up. Sendak was still preparing for takeoff, and once he got the ship flying, she knew he’d be coming after her next. Which meant she was in trouble if she stayed where Haxus had last been. More than that though, Shiro and Lance were in trouble too. She couldn’t just abandon them. Pidge tried to push herself up to her feet, but almost as soon as she put the slightest bit of weight on her broken leg, they collapsed beneath her. She yelped when her butt once again hit the floor, then groaned in frustration. It shouldn’t have been too far from where she was to where Shiro was, but she might as well have been climbing Mount Everest, given that it was looking like she’d be dragging herself along the floor to get there. And all the while, she was injured with no way to defend herself against a trained and seasoned soldier, or even any robot guards that might show up. </p><p>Pidge was starting to panic again. Not only could she not walk, but she was bleeding rather heavily, and she was almost certainly facing severe muscle damage from where her flesh had been sliced through to the bone. Her breathing began to pick up, even as she fought to control it. Hyperventilating would do no good right now. </p><p><em>‘Maybe I should just turn myself in. I can’t do anything, so what’s the point in getting myself killed trying to fight?’</em> Almost immediately, she was cursing herself for her traitorous thoughts. No. She was a Holt, and Holts didn’t give up. <em>‘Alright. I have a map in my gauntlet I can use to get to Shiro and Lance. Hopefully Lance has woken up by now- I won’t be of too much use to Shiro like this. But if I can at least get him free, he can fight while I figure out how to get the particle barrier down.’</em> </p><p>It was a weak plan at best- in fact, she could hardly call it a plan at all. More of a ‘get there and hope for the best’ Hail Mary. But she wasn’t exactly awash with options at the moment, so it would have to do. </p><p>Gritting her teeth, Pidge used the blade of her bayard to slice off a few strips of fabric from her shirt and wrapped them several times tightly around her leg until she was satisfied that she wouldn’t be leaving a trail of blood behind her for someone to follow. </p><p><em>“Haxus? Haxus, report! Where are you?”</em> Sendak’s voice came suddenly, oddly fuzzy through the radio. A wave of anger suddenly washed over Pidge, nearly overwhelming her in its ferocity. As quickly as she could, she made her way over to the intercom and hauled herself up until she was able to speak into it, leaning heavily against the control board to keep her weight off her legs. </p><p>“Haxus is about ten light years up his own ass, you ugly fuck, and I’m coming to do you next!” she snarled into the speaker as a reply. They were admittedly big words for someone in her condition, but Sendak didn’t know that. And it would be much better for her to keep him unaware of that fact. She needed to be a threat right now. </p><p>Sendak seemed to immediately work out who it was that had intercepted his transmission, given the way he immediately started snarling threats at her. Pidge didn’t bother trying to listen beyond Shiro’s screams; she could guess what it was that Sendak wanted, and listening to her teammate being tortured would only distract her from coming up with a plan to save him. </p><p>Slowly, and ignoring the sounds radiating from the radio, Pidge turned around and immediately had to sink back to the ground before her legs could give out on her without the support of the panel in front of her. Once she was seated again, she took a deep, steadying breath. She couldn’t walk. But she couldn’t stay here. Unpleasant as it was, that really only left one option for her to make it away from her current location. </p><p>She then allowed herself three more seconds of stillness before she took a deep breath and started crawling. </p><p>•••</p><p>Her arms were screaming by the time she reached the huge room where Shiro and Lance were tied up, and she very nearly collapsed again in relief- even if she wasn’t safe, at least she was no longer alone. It almost felt too easy to use her hologram trick on Sendak, but he fell for it, hook, line, and sinker, so she wasn’t about to go raising a stink. Lance was still out cold, but Shiro looked overjoyed to see her. His face quickly fell when he realized that (1.) she wasn’t walking, (2.) she was missing her chest plate and her shirt had been turned into a crop top, and (3.) there were shadows that looked suspiciously like dark bruises forming around her neck. </p><p>“Pidge?” he whispered. “What happened?”</p><p>“Got in a fight with Haxus. He got in a few good hits,” she whispered back. Her throat immediately protested her using her vocal chords at all, but some information needed to be passed on, no matter how much it hurt. “Lemme get your hands.”</p><p>“Where is Haxus?” Shiro asked as he turned around to give her access to his hands. “How did you get away?”</p><p>“Dead. I killed him.” There was no time to go into details, and honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure she really wanted to. Pidge took care of the metal at his wrists with a few quick cuts from her bayard. </p><p>Shiro turned back to face her, rubbing his wrists gratefully. “You killed- Pidge, <em>get down!”</em> </p><p>Unfortunately his warning didn’t come in time for her to duck away from Sendak’s arm. His fingers had just barely grazed her hand in his attempt to grab her before she was jerked away. She was small enough for the Galran to hold her in one abnormally large hand and lift her up off the floor. He held her up like a shield when Shiro made to lunge forward at him. The older man immediately froze at the clear threat. He would’ve accepted just about any punishment thrown at him, but he couldn’t stand the thought of watching someone else- especially someone he was responsible for- get hurt. And Pidge was absolutely someone he was responsible for. None of these kids would even be out here if it weren’t for him. Just looking at her now made him feel guilty. Sam and Matt would kill him if they could see this. </p><p>What a leader he was. Only a few days out of Galran custody, and here he was, landing another team right back in their clutches- and of course it was another Holt who was <em>literally</em> in the Galran’s clutches. Shiro could hear his pulse pounding in his ears as he watched Sendak back away with Pidge tight in his hand. Between the blood loss and the painfully hard grip crushing her chest, Pidge seemed to be on the verge of joining Lance in unconsciousness. </p><p>Then, like clockwork, Keith and Allura came sprinting into the room to join the fight. However, they were met with the same sight as Shiro; their youngest teammate struggling weakly against a much larger captor. It was three on one, but the one had the most effective shield anyone could think of. </p><p>“No one move!” Sendak barked as he slowly started moving towards the door with Pidge. “I’m not leaving empty handed. If you aren’t willing to hand over Voltron, then I can at least turn in one of its Paladins. If anyone tries to stop me, I’ll squeeze the life right out of him before you take two steps.”</p><p>“Some big man you are,” Keith snarled, “threatening a little kid like that!”</p><p>Even in her half-dazed state, Pidge managed to shoot Keith a <em>look,</em> and he just shrugged. </p><p>“I don’t care how old he is,” Sendak responded dismissively, ignoring the small interaction between Paladins and shaking Pidge a bit like a rag doll. “He’s coming with me, and there’s-”</p><p>The next few moments were a blur. Pidge could remember the sound of a blast from behind her and being dropped to the floor yet again, crying out as she landed on her legs and immediately collapsed to the ground. At some point she had shot her bayard straight through where Sendak’s mechanical arm attached to his body and severed it entirely. Then the next thing she knew, she was on the ground being cradled in Allura’s arms while everyone else rushed around her, squawking about first aid and whatnot. She couldn’t find it in herself to be all that interested. She wasn’t very close to the princess yet, but she was warm and comforting and soft, and a welcome relief from the craziness of the past few hours. A glance around revealed that Lance was in a similar position with Shiro. Everyone she could see looked positively haggard, but given that she couldn’t even stand up, she had a feeling that trying to help would only hinder things. </p><p>Looking at Lance’s passed-out form, an unpleasant feeling washed over her. This was all <em>real.</em> They were in space, <em>risking their lives.</em> Less than a few days ago, she had been on Earth, focusing on navigating through the Garrison without getting caught. </p><p>It took several minutes for the voice to break through the fog of anxiety in her head. “...idge, can you hear me?”</p><p>“Huh?” she asked, sounding rather dazed. </p><p>Shiro looked rather relieved that she was present once again. “There you are. You looked a little distant there.”</p><p>“Yeah.” She blinked, and rocked forward so she was sitting up. “Guess I was.”</p><p>“I was asking how badly hurt you are,” Shiro prompted gently. “Can you tell me what happened?”</p><p>Another two blinks, as she struggled to check back in and focus on what all was wrong with her. “Um. Leg. Got thrown around. Can’t talk much.” Indeed, her voice was little more than a hoarse croak that was hard to listen to. </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Choked me. ‘S a bit hard to breathe. ‘N I think dickbag over there might’ve broken a rib or two.”</p><p>Shiro’s eyes widened as he finally understood the dark bruises around her neck. In his defense, they were in rather poor lighting until the castle got back up and running at 100%, and he hadn’t been totally clear on whether they were bruises or just shadows. Still, he kicked himself for making her speak. “Okay. I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk any more. Just focus on breathing. Coran said they have healing pods that’ll set you and Lance straight in no time.”</p><p>“That’s right,” Allura said from behind Pidge. Her voice was dulcet, and Pidge allowed herself to relax back against the princess’s chest. The soft vibrations from her throat as she spoke were soothing, and Pidge practically melted when she felt  slender fingers stroke her hair. Above all else, she was tired. It felt like she was about two seconds from falling asleep where she sat. “If I had to guess, you’ll really only need to be in there for a few vargas. Soon enough, you’ll be feeling perfectly fine. The pods can be a bit... disorienting though. You might find it brings out some- er, unfamiliar feelings at first, but I have no doubt you’ll acclimate to them just fine.”</p><p>“Right you are, princess!” Coran exclaimed in his apparently characteristic enthusiasm. “Come along now. I’ve got pods ready for anyone who needs them.” Before anyone was even standing, the old Altean was off ahead of them, calling back and instructing them to get a move on. </p><p>Much to Pidge’s displeasure- she would much rather just lay down on the floor and stay there for a bit- she felt Allura carefully pulling her up to her feet and propping her up against her side. The Altean supported Pidge, practically dragging her along as she gently started to guide them all towards the pod room. Shiro carried Lance, and Hunk and Keith just tagged along awkwardly, not wanting to be left alone in the strange environment. </p><p>“Hey, how’d you do that with your arm Shiro?” Pidge heard Hunk ask as she was staggering beside Allura. Oh right- Hunk hadn’t seen it in action yet. The Black Paladin must’ve used it to some extent in the fight, and she’d just missed it. </p><p>She glanced back in time to see Shiro look down at his arm then at Hunk again helplessly. “I have no goddamn clue. Stuff just keeps happening and I’m just rolling with it at this point.”</p><p><em>‘Well that’s valid. That sounds about where we’re all at right now.’</em> To her mild surprise, when she looked around again, she realized she was facing her newfound team and being carefully pushed backwards into one of the tubes they had found Coran and Allura in. <em>‘Huh. I don’t even remember making it here,’</em> was Pidge’s last thought before the pod closed around her, and she drifted off.</p><p>•••</p><p>Pidge was done with the pod well before Lance was, after only around five hours. When she finally did step out, her entire frame was shivering and her eyes were as wide as the moon. Altogether, she looked incredibly uncomfortable. “W-what the f-f-fuck was that th-thing?” she stammered out. </p><p>“Are you still cold?” Coran asked, frowning. Generally the pods gradually brought the injured person’s body temperature back up to normal before spitting them out. If the one Pidge was in hadn’t, then he would have to look into fixing it. </p><p>“Yes! I’m cold ‘n... disoriented! That w-was awful! It was all... floaty.” </p><p>Hunk instinctively stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Pidge. She leaned into his warmth immediately, burying her face in his soft stomach and latching her arms around his waist. When another shiver ran through her, Hunk suddenly remembered an incident during one of the exercises at the Garrison that had taken place in rather extreme cold weather and had ended similarly to this. “Pidge, aren’t you anemic?”</p><p>She nodded without looking up. “Usually take iron supplements. I ran out about two weeks before we came into space. Kept meaning to ask one of them about it.” She waved haphazardly behind him in an effort to indicate the Alteans. Her voice was muffled by Hunk’s body, and he had to resist a giggle at the vibrations her words sent through his belly. She was no longer shivering, he noticed, but she didn’t seem quite ready to pull back. </p><p>“I feel like I should scold you for not taking care of that before we left,” Shiro said, “but I suppose we would’ve run into that problem sooner or later out here.”</p><p>Pidge turned her face ever so slightly towards Shiro and looked at him with rather guilty eyes. “We were in a bit of a rush,” she mumbled defensively. “I don’t just walk around with pills in my pocket. ‘S not a good look.”</p><p>Well, he couldn’t argue that. “Right. We’ll figure something out. In fact, once Lance is better, we should probably sit down and sort out any medical needs we have.” </p><p>Every human in the room seemed to agree, as the Alteans tried to work out what ‘anemia’ might be. </p><p>•••</p><p>It wasn’t until two days after Lance woke up that it all caught up with Pidge while she was alone in her room. The quiet that came with a lack of other people around you was jarring, and she had to blink several times to get used to it. The weight of the last few days suddenly all collapsed on top of her. She was in space. It had been her dream, as a young child, to join her father and brother in the stars. She’d been trying to get out here for over a year to find her family, but now that she’d made it, she felt further from them than ever. And she could hardly leave to find them now- apparently she was to be an instrumental part in an ancient space war. </p><p>
  <em>‘They were captured by <strong>warmongers</strong> in the middle of a <strong>war.</strong> It was extremely possible that they’d been killed already. What if I never even get to look for them? The war was ten thousand years old- I could spend the rest of my life trying to end it. I might never get the chance to search, or even go home- fuck, I might never see my mom again. Oh fuck, my mom- she must be so terrified and all alone! How could I leave her like that? What was I thinking?’</em>
</p><p>For the first time in ages- since Matt and her dad had gone missing, really- Pidge realized she was crying. More than crying, actually, she found she was having a good hard sob-fest. Her arms wrapped around her middle and she hunched over, trying to curl up into a small ball and take a break from existing. From everything that had happened. </p><p>She had killed someone. And, if anything Allura had said about the Galran empire was even remotely true, she was going to have to kill again. And again, and again, and again. The thought made her feel nauseous, and she threw herself to her feet, desperately trying to reach the bathroom. Pidge wasn’t sure if she was actually going to throw up, but she knew if she was, she didn’t want to do it in her bed. As she reached her door, the unpleasant realization that she wasn’t sure where the bathroom had been washed over her. Coran had shown them, but she’d been so exhausted and distracted that the knowledge hadn’t completely stuck with her- trying to find it in the dark halls during their sleep cycle seemed like a daunting task. </p><p>Maybe muscle memory would be enough to get her there. She could only hope that would be the case as she stumbled out of her room, breathing in frantic little gasps. It wasn’t working very well. It almost felt as though she were being choked again, but this time when her hands flew up, she found nothing squeezing at her throat. She was just hyperventilating then. Lovely. </p><p>She must’ve cut quite the figure, staggering down the hall, gasping for air. She didn’t make it very far before the lightheadedness caught up to her, and she dropped to the ground, unable to remain vertical. Her brain, usually so good at taking in stimuli, rationalizing and compartmentalizing, was working in overdrive. Rationally she knew she was simply trying to process too much at once, but unfortunately, even for her, rationality could slip away if there was just too much happening to keep track of. </p><p>Pidge wasn’t sure if she should be annoyed or grateful when another door opened two rooms down, and another Paladin stepped out into the hallway alongside her. A small part of her was ashamed, wanted to bury her head in the proverbial sand and hope that whoever it was would just not see her and move on with whatever they were doing. A bigger part recognized that she needed some sort of connection to shake her out of this... unfamiliar state of mind. </p><p>It was the middle of their sleep cycle, and Shiro was exhausted. He had just planned on using the bathroom and going right back to sleep- he certainly hadn’t counted on finding a distressed teen outside of his room at the space equivalent of three in the morning. For a moment, he seriously considered pretending he hadn’t seen her and trying to sneak back into his room. But that would require leaving. And despite their rather fresh relationship, Shiro recognized that she needed someone around her right now. Leaving and abandoning her might only make it worse. </p><p>So he took a deep breath and knelt down in front of her. “Hey. Pidge, listen, I know- I know I’m not exactly your favorite person out here, and I might not be the best person to be here. Do you want me to go get Hunk? Or... someone else?”</p><p>“Please don’t go,” she choked out, finally looking him in the eye. Her hands shot out and clutched at the hem of his shirt. “D-don’t leave me alone. I- I know you probably don’t l-like me much- I know I’ve been difficult, but please d-don’t-”</p><p>“I won’t. I promise.” It was the least he could do for her. As gently as he could, Shiro removed her hands and rearranged himself so he was sitting down beside her against the wall. He lifted his arm up in a silent, awkward gesture, and was glad to find that it was the right move when Pidge positioned herself at his side. Nervously, like he was afraid she would bite him, he rested his arm down around her shoulders, hoping to everything he believed in that she drew some comfort from it. </p><p>If she didn’t, she didn’t say anything. He could feel the tremors that rocked her body, and gently squeezed her shoulder. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Shiro asked softly after a moment. For a minute he thought she wasn’t going to reply. But then-</p><p>“I murdered someone,” she whispered despondently. “And I- I was more upset that I lost Rover at the time. I killed him, Shiro. W-what if he had a family waiting for him? He could’ve had kids. What if I took him from- from-” she cut off with a low whine that dissolved into a sob. </p><p>It was all too easy to understand the different layers of upsetting that thought was to Pidge. She was overwhelmed and desperately missing her family. She had killed someone when both her parents had taught her and her brother to value life wherever it was. She was thinking about how she had felt when members of her own family had gone missing, and how she might’ve just put another family through it. </p><p>And what could Shiro really say to make it better? That she had to do it? That the loss of one Galran was, in the scheme of things, hardly a blip on the radar, no matter how much of a family alien he might’ve been? That they would likely break up far more families in the future, and that they would just have to get used to the idea? Honestly, that last thought even made Shiro feel a bit like crying- he didn’t want to see someone as young as Pidge get <em>used</em> to killing. When he thought of how many countless others had been murdered or imprisoned or displace by the tyrannical empire, it made it easier to justify, but he doubted Pidge would see it like that. </p><p> But he had to say something. Pidge needed whatever weak comforts he could offer. Shiro’s mouth opened, then shut, then opened again. “Pidge... you were so brave. And not just against Haxus- you chose to help us when we needed you. You chose the greater good, even if it wasn’t exactly... in your own personal best interest. And I know this isn’t a huge comfort, but he didn’t give you a choice. He would’ve killed you, and then you couldn’t have helps us or your family. Who knows, maybe if he did have a family he was a total piece of shit to them. Clearly the guy had some issues.”</p><p>He was pulling most of his speech out of his ass- he didn’t have a clue what the right thing to say was, so he just went with what his gut was telling him to say. And it got Pidge to chuckle weakly. “You can say that again. He was, uh... said he wanted to do some unpleasant things to me.”</p><p>That seemed to catch Shiro’s attention, and he straightened up ever-so-slightly. “He didn’t... y’know, try...?”</p><p>“Try wh- oh! No. Christ no. I meant torture things.” Pidge shuddered, even as Shiro relaxed again beside her. </p><p>“Well, he didn’t. You stopped him before he could hurt anyone else. Not acting- not doing what you did- would’ve only made things worse for everyone.” It was obvious that she wasn’t entirely convinced, but when she didn’t offer up a rebuttal, he pushed forward. “We should be reaching the Balmera tomorrow, Pidge. We should get some rest before then.”</p><p>After she nodded, Shiro helped her up, then held her around the shoulders to keep her from falling as she tottered sleepily back into her room. The emotional drainage of the last few hours was catching up to her and leaving her feeling like an empty husk. </p><p>She blinked twice when she plopped down on the edge of her bed before staring up at Shiro with an unreadable expression. “Do- uh, do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”</p><p>Pidge’s eyes widened, although it was hardly noticeable in the dark of the room. “Matt always asked me that when he caught me crying after a bad day. You... remind me of him, in some ways. Not many, but where it really counts.”</p><p>Shiro smiled, deciding to take it as a compliment. “Well, I know I can’t be Matt, but I’ll do the best I can to be a stand in until we find him. No matter how long that takes.”</p><p>She bit her lip at that, but nodded all the same. “How long do you think it’ll take?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Shiro answered honestly. “We’re just getting started in all of this, Katie, and I wouldn’t expect anything to be fast.”</p><p>There was a second of silence before Pidge spoke again, sounding even smaller than she had before. “And until they’re saved, they’re with the same people that did that-” she gestured vaguely towards his arm- “to you and all that-“ she gestured down at her legs- “to me?”</p><p>Shiro absolutely hated that he couldn’t give her an answer that might improve her spirits. But he wasn’t about to lie to make her feel better. In the long term, as she learned what would undoubtedly be the gory details, she would be better off knowing what to expect. So he nodded. “Unless they’ve managed to escape as well, but then they wouldn’t really have anywhere to go, as far as I know.”</p><p>Another brief moment of quiet, and then- “no. I won’t keep them waiting for much longer. I <em>will</em> find them within a year. Besides, you escaped. They’re smart- I’ll bet they could figure something out.”</p><p>It was hard not to smile at her surety and determination. He could only imagine she’d gotten that fire from her mother- Sam Holt wasn’t a pushover by any stretch of the imagination, but he certainly wasn’t as fierce as his daughter was turning out to be. “You’re right. I doubt there’s many prisons in the universe that could hold one Holt, let alone two. And throw in a third on the outside, coming to rescue them? The Galra won’t know what hit them.”</p><p>“Thanks Shiro.” Pidge offered the first real smile he had seen out of her all night, and it warmed Shiro’s heart to see it. “I... I’m tired. You don’t have to stay though, you’ve done enough. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Although he was still hesitant to leave her alone, he had to take her at her word. “Alright. You know where to find me, if you need anything. And don’t hesitate to wake me up, alright? Hunk already did on the first night. And I’ll expect Lance and Keith will at some point too.”</p><p>If she was surprised to hear that Hunk had approached Shiro, she hid it well. (She was, actually. She would’ve expected Hunk to turn to Lance first, and then her before Shiro. Of course, if she said something, she would’ve learned that Hunk hadn’t actually approached Shiro, and that he just happened to have a breakdown in front of the Black Paladin’s room and woken him up, but she didn’t.). Instead, she nodded, and offered up a small, awkward wave that Shiro returned before he started to take his leave. </p><p>He made it to the doorway before something she said earlier came to mind, and he stopped mid-step. He needed to address it. “By the way...” he began, turning to the side so he could look at her again, “I like you plenty, Katie. You’re my teammate, and I’ve always considered my teammates to be my family. I promise, I’ll take care of you guys. Like I said, I already lost one team out here, I’m not losing another.”</p><p>There were plenty of things Pidge could’ve said to that. <em>‘There’s no way you can promise that.’ ‘People die in war all the time.’ ‘I’m sure my family thought you’d keep them safe too, look where it landed them.’</em></p><p>She didn’t say any of that. She was too preoccupied, thinking back on words her father had once told her in between missions that had been nearly identical to what Shiro had just said. It was only after she realized that Shiro was waiting for a reply that she managed to find the words closest to what she really wanted to say. </p><p>“Thank you Shiro. You... you have no idea how much that means to me.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything else, just offered up another smile before turning around once again and walking off, sliding the door closed behind him and leaving Pidge alone once again. </p><p>For a moment, she considered falling back onto her bed and letting sleep take her. No doubt after her embarrassing little breakdown, it wouldn’t take long for her to crash. But the little nagging voice at the back of her head chose that moment to chime in and remind her that there was still intel from the Galran ship that she hadn’t gone over just yet. Of course, the odds that the remaining fractured pieces of information contained any useful information were astronomical at best. And it would hinge on her being able to even put it together. </p><p>But. </p><p>
  <em>But. </em>
</p><p>There was still a chance that it would. And if it did...</p><p>Well, she could hardly call herself a Holt if she didn’t rise to a challenge.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaaand my bingo card is officially done! I'll absolutely be doing this again, although probably with other fandoms. So stay tuned!<br/>“Haxus is about ten light years up his own ass, you ugly fuck, and I’m coming to do you next!” Is probably one of my favorite lines that I’ve ever written. </p><p>Kudos make me smile and comments fuel me to keep writing! I know I don’t reply to many of them, but I really do read every single one &lt;3<br/>If you're interested in requesting something, you can reach me right over <a href="https://the-sinnamon-roll-writes.tumblr.com/">here!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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